Crime Wave
Jun. 7th, 2007 10:35 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hafoc
Those of you who live in the big cities probably think we out here live a sheltered life. Not so. For lo and behold, gentle reader, crime has raised its ugly head among us. Yea verily, organized crime, of the deepest-dyed depths of decadent depravity daunts us with dastardly deeds!
For Some Kid-- they really ought to lock that guy up, because any time anything goes wrong around here the cops are sure Some Kid did it-- hath committed Vandalism. Yea verily, bretheren and sisteren, Evil Teenagers hath loosed "a couple hundred" crickets in a local High School! Nor was that all. Shaving cream was employed. Marbles were placed in toilets. Duct tape was applied to surveillance cameras. There is even a rumor that a dead possum-- I'm guessing about the "possum" part, but it seems likely-- was involved.
The school superintendent was aghast. In his lengthly TV news interview, he claimed it would cost ten thousand dollars to clean things up-- at which my first thought was he needed to find a different maintenance contractor. Apparently he did, because now he's claiming the cost was over thirty thousand.
Apparently the crickets were the hard part. And they were expensive to eliminate. This is easy to believe, since based on the TV footage the eradication method appears to have been to run around smashing the crickets into the carpeting, and then removing the remains by going down on hands and knees to scrub the carpet with toothbrushes. (Carpeting? When did high schools get carpeted?)
Me, I would have gone out and bought a few geckos, let them loose in the school. Pretty soon, no more cricket problem. You might even have convinced a certain insurance company to chip in, at least to the extent of uniforms featuring the school's new mascots. The Mighty Geckos. Got a nice ring to it.
Yes, that's what I would have done. But that's just me.
The cops say that Some Kid missed one surveillance camera, so they know who did it and Some Kid should just turn himself in. I think they're lying. Any time there's actual footage of a convenience store holdup or a purse snatching or somebody tripping over the curb and falling across the sidewalk or some other matter of vital import like that, it ends up splashed across the TV screens that evening. And every night for at least three days after. It's sort of an electronic version of Arlo Guthrie's Twenty-Seven Eight by Ten Color Glossy Pictures with Circles and Arrows, if you're old enough to remember them. "Being the biggest crime in these parts in fifty years, and everybody wanted to be in the newspaper story about it."
Regardless of any of that, I sure hope they catch Some Kid this time. In an age of global terrorism, the idea of Some Kid wandering the north woods armed with a bottle of crickets is just too horrible to bear.
For Some Kid-- they really ought to lock that guy up, because any time anything goes wrong around here the cops are sure Some Kid did it-- hath committed Vandalism. Yea verily, bretheren and sisteren, Evil Teenagers hath loosed "a couple hundred" crickets in a local High School! Nor was that all. Shaving cream was employed. Marbles were placed in toilets. Duct tape was applied to surveillance cameras. There is even a rumor that a dead possum-- I'm guessing about the "possum" part, but it seems likely-- was involved.
The school superintendent was aghast. In his lengthly TV news interview, he claimed it would cost ten thousand dollars to clean things up-- at which my first thought was he needed to find a different maintenance contractor. Apparently he did, because now he's claiming the cost was over thirty thousand.
Apparently the crickets were the hard part. And they were expensive to eliminate. This is easy to believe, since based on the TV footage the eradication method appears to have been to run around smashing the crickets into the carpeting, and then removing the remains by going down on hands and knees to scrub the carpet with toothbrushes. (Carpeting? When did high schools get carpeted?)
Me, I would have gone out and bought a few geckos, let them loose in the school. Pretty soon, no more cricket problem. You might even have convinced a certain insurance company to chip in, at least to the extent of uniforms featuring the school's new mascots. The Mighty Geckos. Got a nice ring to it.
Yes, that's what I would have done. But that's just me.
The cops say that Some Kid missed one surveillance camera, so they know who did it and Some Kid should just turn himself in. I think they're lying. Any time there's actual footage of a convenience store holdup or a purse snatching or somebody tripping over the curb and falling across the sidewalk or some other matter of vital import like that, it ends up splashed across the TV screens that evening. And every night for at least three days after. It's sort of an electronic version of Arlo Guthrie's Twenty-Seven Eight by Ten Color Glossy Pictures with Circles and Arrows, if you're old enough to remember them. "Being the biggest crime in these parts in fifty years, and everybody wanted to be in the newspaper story about it."
Regardless of any of that, I sure hope they catch Some Kid this time. In an age of global terrorism, the idea of Some Kid wandering the north woods armed with a bottle of crickets is just too horrible to bear.
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no subject
Date: 2007-06-09 09:20 am (UTC)Stomping bugs
Date: 2007-07-13 03:19 am (UTC)I don't understand. Why couldn't you just fumigate? Was there some sort of tree hugging going on?
P.S.
You can get anything you want...at Alice's Restaurant!