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Mar. 25th, 2004 07:04 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hafoc
I'm not saying it's logical to want to be more than the boring middle-aged, middle-class white guy I so obviously am. As far as I can see, wanting to be better than they are isn't a concept that haunts the golfers, snowmobilers, and Honest Businessmen I meet on the streets every day. Perhaps it does. Somebody once said "Each man, like the moon, has a dark side he shows to noone." Perhaps each man or woman has depths they don't show either.
Be that it may, be it as illogical as it may, it's something that concerns me, and of course my stupid writing is tied up in that. I kind of feel that if professionals won't take my writing, I'm no good as a writer. And that if I'm no good as a writer, I'm not especially good for anything, except to be a good Consumer, collect my paycheck, buy everything I see on television infomercials to Do My Bit to Support the Economy. That kind of thing.
The only thing that keeps this from sending me into a raging angst fit is that I know it's pretty stupid. Nevertheless, it's enough to make me a little snarky. That's something that probably won't clear up until we have a good, warm Spring day. With sun. That's important.
Spring is, in fact, coming. Today it got to about 50 degrees. The water's coming off my roof fast, and since I had the foresight to make sure the little expansion joint in the concrete in front of the garage is clear for the water to run through, it's not even flooding my garage this year. I hear redwing blackbirds in the swamp. Feisty, nasty little devils, but I love them; they'll attack ANYTHING that comes near their nests, and they sit on the cattails in the summer, bobbing up and down as the cattail swings in the wind, looking all around so pert and happy that it almost screams that this is the best amusement park ride in the world for them.
And the kildeers are back on the lawn at the office. The snow's half off the lawn now (the part over the septic tank is clear) so they'll be able to find enough to eat (hopefully) until spring comes in earnest. I'm already hearing their wild cries through the window. Soon we'll have Mom, Dad, and The Kids running around the lawn just like last year. And when I go out the back door Mom or Dad will fly down in front of me and do the whole "My wing is broken!" schtick so that The Kids, who I can see perfectly three parking spaces away, can get away before big mean me runs over and gobbles them up. Sometimes I follow "broken-winged" Mom or Dad and make like I believe their act. I think it gratifies them.
So I guess that on the whole things are pretty good around here today.
Be that it may, be it as illogical as it may, it's something that concerns me, and of course my stupid writing is tied up in that. I kind of feel that if professionals won't take my writing, I'm no good as a writer. And that if I'm no good as a writer, I'm not especially good for anything, except to be a good Consumer, collect my paycheck, buy everything I see on television infomercials to Do My Bit to Support the Economy. That kind of thing.
The only thing that keeps this from sending me into a raging angst fit is that I know it's pretty stupid. Nevertheless, it's enough to make me a little snarky. That's something that probably won't clear up until we have a good, warm Spring day. With sun. That's important.
Spring is, in fact, coming. Today it got to about 50 degrees. The water's coming off my roof fast, and since I had the foresight to make sure the little expansion joint in the concrete in front of the garage is clear for the water to run through, it's not even flooding my garage this year. I hear redwing blackbirds in the swamp. Feisty, nasty little devils, but I love them; they'll attack ANYTHING that comes near their nests, and they sit on the cattails in the summer, bobbing up and down as the cattail swings in the wind, looking all around so pert and happy that it almost screams that this is the best amusement park ride in the world for them.
And the kildeers are back on the lawn at the office. The snow's half off the lawn now (the part over the septic tank is clear) so they'll be able to find enough to eat (hopefully) until spring comes in earnest. I'm already hearing their wild cries through the window. Soon we'll have Mom, Dad, and The Kids running around the lawn just like last year. And when I go out the back door Mom or Dad will fly down in front of me and do the whole "My wing is broken!" schtick so that The Kids, who I can see perfectly three parking spaces away, can get away before big mean me runs over and gobbles them up. Sometimes I follow "broken-winged" Mom or Dad and make like I believe their act. I think it gratifies them.
So I guess that on the whole things are pretty good around here today.
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no subject
Date: 2004-03-26 12:44 am (UTC)There are a lot of arrogant, nihilistic, and ignorant people in this world. It's been my experience that none of them are very rewarding to know. Give me the person who is always striving for something beyond himself, for there, I know I will find a fellow traveller. In this universe the only thing we truly can have is company along the road. Those who drive the long desert highways at midnight understand this wisdom; at those moments, another pair of headlights in the mirror is the most desired and comforting philosophical mana a mortal being can partake of.