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Feb. 28th, 2004 10:18 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hafoc
JOHNSON'S CROSSING, FEB 28TH: Researchers have determined that most roads in this region are underlain by a strange substance known as 'pavement.' Most scientists who have investigated this phenomenon believe that in ancient ages, before the coming of the ice, the ground could actually become soft; this presumably prompted our ancient ancestors to place 'pavement' on the road surface as a kind of artificial ice, to keep their snowmobiles from sinking.
It has further been anounced that the clear liquid recently observed running down the snowbanks is water, a liquid phase of ice, which is of course the predominant mineral in our bedrock.
"It's nothing to be afraid of," Dr. Phil Farnsworthy of the Institute reported. "It's associated with the recent sighting of the Sun. After all, when strange weather conditions cause the clouds to part for a moment, the heat of this distant thermonuclear furnace is much more intense than normal around here. As for the Sun itself, well, most scientists have theorized it was still active somewhere above the clouds. We had no evidence of this, of course, but if the Sun had in fact gone out as most people believe, it would get REALLY cold, and nitrogen and oxygen would start to fall to earth as snow. And that only happens very rarely."
Other odd phenomena reported include being able to see without artificial light at certain hours of the day, an alarming shrinking of the bedrock, and discovery of evidence of plant life that doesn't arrive here in cans. In addition, a recluse known only as Havoc has been heard muttering something about 'too much shit around the house' and has been seen purchasing all-purpose blades for a reciprocating saw and a large supply of extra heavy duty 'contractor grade' trash bags.
However, Dr. Farnsworthy says these unearthly events are no cause for alarm. "Our cloud-watchers have consulted their instruments and tell us that the clouds will return, and with them another foot of new snow. Everything will be back to normal in about three days."
-- I. B. Slymi, Staff Reporter, Johnson's Crossing Morning Cloud
It has further been anounced that the clear liquid recently observed running down the snowbanks is water, a liquid phase of ice, which is of course the predominant mineral in our bedrock.
"It's nothing to be afraid of," Dr. Phil Farnsworthy of the Institute reported. "It's associated with the recent sighting of the Sun. After all, when strange weather conditions cause the clouds to part for a moment, the heat of this distant thermonuclear furnace is much more intense than normal around here. As for the Sun itself, well, most scientists have theorized it was still active somewhere above the clouds. We had no evidence of this, of course, but if the Sun had in fact gone out as most people believe, it would get REALLY cold, and nitrogen and oxygen would start to fall to earth as snow. And that only happens very rarely."
Other odd phenomena reported include being able to see without artificial light at certain hours of the day, an alarming shrinking of the bedrock, and discovery of evidence of plant life that doesn't arrive here in cans. In addition, a recluse known only as Havoc has been heard muttering something about 'too much shit around the house' and has been seen purchasing all-purpose blades for a reciprocating saw and a large supply of extra heavy duty 'contractor grade' trash bags.
However, Dr. Farnsworthy says these unearthly events are no cause for alarm. "Our cloud-watchers have consulted their instruments and tell us that the clouds will return, and with them another foot of new snow. Everything will be back to normal in about three days."
-- I. B. Slymi, Staff Reporter, Johnson's Crossing Morning Cloud
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Date: 2004-02-29 08:24 am (UTC)Damn, I'm glad I moved back down to central latitudes from up north.