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Christmas Past
Dec. 31st, 2007 09:03 pm
I was wrapping Christmas presents this evening-- yes, the ordeal of unnecessary, unwanted gifts is still ongoing for me-- when I wished, just for a moment, that I had my Snippy Fish back.
The Snippy Fish was probably just about the dumbest Christmas present I ever had, but I liked it. Imagine a hand-sized, rhomboid power tool textured and molded to look like a fish, with scissors blades as its beak. 120 volts, of course, and advertised as safe for kids. It wouldn't cut them.
Or anything else, basically. I don't think the scissors blades actually moved past each other except as much as the machine's buzzing shook them. Because that's what it did. Plug it in, press the little white button on the top of Snippy's head, and this earsplitting, hand-tingling BUZZING would start.
Indeed, it wouldn't cut my finger; that was the first thing I tried, of course. It wouldn't cut much of anything else. But it would cut through gift wrap like nobody's business.
It did get alarmingly hot, but the noise was too great for me to leave it on long enough to burn the house down.
You couldn't make a toy like that any more. There wasn't even enough space on it for the warnings not to try to use it while swimming.
I had an Erector set too, back in those innocent days when you could say "erect" without anyone looking at you funny. Mine was the deluxe model with the electric motor, 120 volt plug-in again, of course. The motor had a gear box on one end so you could get different speeds for powering your various projects, but you could also just bolt a gear to the shaft on the other end of the 3200 RPM, approximately 3 horsepower toy motor. Which I promptly did, of course, bolting one of those stamped steel Erector set girders across the gear for good measure. It made quite an effective flesh-mangling machine.
I never got Jarts, although my cousins did. I think I read someone's rant about those here on LJ, so I can't claim this thought is original, but.. a foot-long, lead-weighted lawn dart, with a sharpened steel spike on the business end. The whole thing weighs about three pounds. You're supposed to break up into two teams and whing these things at the ring target at the other end, where the other team is standing. The potential for mayhem is obvious.
They don't make cool toys like these any more. Sure, there are lots of electronic noisemakers, but a toy that doesn't offer the immediate and obvious chance to maim your cousins just doesn't seem to be worth the trouble.
The Snippy Fish was probably just about the dumbest Christmas present I ever had, but I liked it. Imagine a hand-sized, rhomboid power tool textured and molded to look like a fish, with scissors blades as its beak. 120 volts, of course, and advertised as safe for kids. It wouldn't cut them.
Or anything else, basically. I don't think the scissors blades actually moved past each other except as much as the machine's buzzing shook them. Because that's what it did. Plug it in, press the little white button on the top of Snippy's head, and this earsplitting, hand-tingling BUZZING would start.
Indeed, it wouldn't cut my finger; that was the first thing I tried, of course. It wouldn't cut much of anything else. But it would cut through gift wrap like nobody's business.
It did get alarmingly hot, but the noise was too great for me to leave it on long enough to burn the house down.
You couldn't make a toy like that any more. There wasn't even enough space on it for the warnings not to try to use it while swimming.
I had an Erector set too, back in those innocent days when you could say "erect" without anyone looking at you funny. Mine was the deluxe model with the electric motor, 120 volt plug-in again, of course. The motor had a gear box on one end so you could get different speeds for powering your various projects, but you could also just bolt a gear to the shaft on the other end of the 3200 RPM, approximately 3 horsepower toy motor. Which I promptly did, of course, bolting one of those stamped steel Erector set girders across the gear for good measure. It made quite an effective flesh-mangling machine.
I never got Jarts, although my cousins did. I think I read someone's rant about those here on LJ, so I can't claim this thought is original, but.. a foot-long, lead-weighted lawn dart, with a sharpened steel spike on the business end. The whole thing weighs about three pounds. You're supposed to break up into two teams and whing these things at the ring target at the other end, where the other team is standing. The potential for mayhem is obvious.
They don't make cool toys like these any more. Sure, there are lots of electronic noisemakers, but a toy that doesn't offer the immediate and obvious chance to maim your cousins just doesn't seem to be worth the trouble.
